What I've Learnt... From The First Days Of Being A Mum

The first days of being a mum. 

I gave birth to my first son in 2013 and like most new parents I was excited, nervous, full of wonder! I remember returning home from hospital, my son shrinking down in the car seat and me, not quite knowing what to do. Where were the grown ups? I had given birth, but I didn't quite feel like a mum.

The day after we returned home, members of our families came to visit. They understandably couldn't wait to see & squeeze the new addition. I sat awkwardly on the sofa as my baby was passed around cuddle for cuddle, sniffed, cooed at and showered with love. I felt traumatised. My baby, who I had carried for 9 months, who I had shared every movement, breath and heart beat with for so long, was no longer attached to me. Not only was he not attached to me, we weren't even touching. After a few hours everyone left and we went off to bed. I snuggled him into my chest and cried. He didn't smell the same. It might sound crazy but those first moments of sharing him left me shaken. I felt so raw, open & vulnerable. I wasn't ready to share him, but I didn't feel like I could make the decision not to.

It's a odd place, those first days. You're a parent but somehow it takes a little while to step into the shoes. To feel like it's ok to make decisions for the little life you created. 

I gave birth to my second son just a couple of months ago and I knew from the moment we got pregnant that I wouldn't be ready to share him for at least a week. I needed that time to be with him before anyone else was, and now I'm mum enough to give myself that space. I didn't feel guilty about putting off relatives, or like I was being over protective and thankfully we weren't pressured to open the doors before we were ready. 

There's a lot of pressure in our culture to have guests, to announce births asap and spring back, have visitors & hand baby over for a squeeze, however it isn't the same in all cultures. It used to be traditional in Japan for women to stay inside with their baby for the first 100 days and in Mexico, women have a 40 day period of rest called a cuarentena at home with baby & other female members of family come to support her by taking care of cooking & care for the house.

I learnt from those first days that it's ok to close the curtains and cuddle. To protect your baby bubble & that your needs as a family are the priority. Everything else can wait. It's such a cliche but you don't get those first days back and they are oh so special. So cherish them. 

What I’ve Learnt… From 10 Years of Mothering.

I’ve learnt so many things it’s hard to start.

I’m not even the same person I was ten years ago, you could say that’s just down to age, but I’d bet my last dollar that most of it is due to being a Mother.

At first you think you won’t get another good night sleep ever again, but by the time you’ve turned around, your kid turns ten.

You spend years being tired in your bones, tired in a way that you didn’t think was possible.

Sometimes you feel so tired and worn out you just want to crawl under the duvet and stay there for a week.

Then you find you can’t sleep past their morning wake time even though THEY can.

Before Mothering I could sleep til 11am, 12pm and even 1pm.

Now I wake up at 7am every day.

Mothers aren’t born overnight and for some of us it takes months and years to settle into our new bigger shoes. And that’s ok.

Becoming a Mother opens up an enormous part of you that you didn’t know existed before.

Your emotions are turned up so high after birth that the beauty and the pain in the world can be hard to bear sometimes.

Empathy becomes visceral.

Kids reset all of what you thought were your natural rhythms.

Every time you think you’ve got your finger on the pulse, the beat changes.

Nothing lasts forever. Every phase, every challenge, every moment of absolute bliss rolls in and rolls out again.

They bring you kicking and screaming into the present moment.

This is the only place they exist. 

And one of the greatest gifts they give you, although it doesn’t always feel like it.

Your children ground you to the earth.

They give you purpose like you never imagined possible.

You have to get your shit together quick.

There’s no more messing around wondering what to do with your life anymore.

They make you want to be the best version of yourself.

The love grows every day, every month, every year.

It’s a strange thing to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

And in the end your unconditional love for them is the making of you.