A Free Guide To Birth Trauma

Birth trauma – is when you were or perceived that you or your baby were, under threat of death or serious injury. The trauma may be a physical birth injury or an emotional and psychological experience. It is important to know that the events of the birth are not the only indicator of birth trauma. It is often diagnosed on how a woman feels after the birth and her perceived experience of the events.

Up to 30% of women in the UK experience birth trauma, which can lead to experiencing depression, anxiety or post-traumatic stress (Greenfield, Jomeen and Glover, 2019). In describing childbirth as traumatic, it is the belief that a woman, her partner or anyone involved in (or witnessing) the birth has found an aspect particularly distressing. The experience of this trauma is unique to each individual, and it is your perception of the birth – your story that matters. In experiencing post-traumatic stress, you are still in flight or fight mode, with the threat of danger feeling very present.

Women rarely forget their birthing experience, and when trauma is involved, the symptoms may persist for many years. Not every woman develops post-traumatic stress, however, their days may be affected by the numerous symptoms. Relationships with loved ones can be deeply affected, including their baby.

Please know, that the behaviours and thoughts I list below are not to be used to diagnose, these are for personal reference only. The list is not exhaustive, and there may be symptoms and behaviours not mentioned. If you are concerned about yourself or a loved one, please speak to a professional.

The four symptoms of post-traumatic stress are:

1: Re-experiencing the trauma ~ through flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and nightmares. Intrusive thoughts are those thoughts where you just catch yourself going over and over a particular moment involuntarily and without warning. You often notice you are already mid-thought, not knowing how you got there, but you are completely aware you are in the here and now. Flashbacks will often present as being wholly immersed in, and re-experiencing the original moment, to the point that you are unaware that you are actually not going through the birth again. Flashbacks can be distressing and confusing as they feel completely real.

2: Difficult emotions ~ feelings of depression, or feelings of guilt around the birth. Women often struggle to bond with their babies and feel as though they are just ‘going through the motions’, feeling numb and distant. This can be exacerbated by well-meaning friends and family who perpetuate the myth that a healthy baby is all that matters and that you should think positive and move on. Anxiety, depression and irritability are often signs of this circumstance.

3: Avoidance ~ of any reminders of the trauma. Avoidance can be concerning, as it may mean you distance yourself from other pregnant women, new mothers, and even avoid hospital appointments. In a completely understandable attempt to keep yourself safe, you may become isolated.

4: Being hypervigilant ~ (for some especially around the baby). This can present in being overly anxious around the new baby, fearing that something may happen unless you yourself are there to protect it.

Women who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death and other pregnancy losses can also experience birth trauma. Birth trauma is not exclusive to live-birth births.

More information on Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can be found in the NICE guideline or the NHS.

Treating birth trauma
Post-traumatic stress is treatable (Joseph, 2015). It is important to seek help with someone who is trauma-informed, as it is not a condition that can be overcome with positive thinking. It requires a sensitivity to the trauma and awareness of the triggers. Talking through the trauma can help reduce the feelings of isolation experienced by many women who have experienced birth trauma.

Speak to your midwife or GP; speak to your friends; try and carve out some alone time, or social time – whichever is most comforting to you; care for your body; journal or note your thoughts down in a way that feels right to you. Sometimes telling someone else feels too much, and by writing you are telling yourself, and this can be surprisingly effective.

An incredibly uplifting and hopeful notion to hold on to is that with help and support, most perinatal mental health challenges are temporary.

Useful Resources

Birth Trauma Association

 Make Birth Better

Counselling Directory

 …………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Elisha Nunhofer is a person-centred psychotherapist who specialises in maternal mental health. She has extensive experience of working with clients who are exploring the possibility of having children; going through fertility treatment; have experienced all forms of pregnancy loss and termination; ante and postnatal depression and anxiety; adoption and surrogacy. She sees clients via video call, or in-person in East Sussex.

SOURCES

Greenfield, M., Jomeen, J. and Glover, L. (2019) ‘“It Can’t Be Like Last Time” – Choices Made in Early Pregnancy by Women Who Have Previously Experienced a Traumatic Birth’, Frontiers in Psychology, 10, p. 56.

Joseph, S. (2015) ‘A person-centred perspective on working with people who have experienced trauma and helping them move forward to posttraumatic growth’, Person-Centered & Experiential Psychotherapies, 14(3), pp. 178–190.

Having a Positive Caesarean Birth

Birthing your baby by planned caesarean? Want to have a positive birth experience that feels empowering?

Consider these suggestions and implement those that feel beneficial for you.

Preparing for Your Caesarean Birth with Hypnobirthing Techniques

1. Firstly, write and use some affirmations specifically for caesarean, to help relax and relieve fear.

2. Listen to the track on your album for caesarean birth every day if possible.

3. Practice the breathing techniques alone and with your partner - these will be invaluable in the morning before birth and in theatre

4. Listen to the 'safe place' track on the album - this is very useful in theatre also to take you away if you feel overwhelmed or nervous

5. Think about the hour after birth in recovery - what would you like it to be like? This can make a real difference to how you experience the birth

6. Make a caesarean birth plan even if it's quite short with just a few key points like below, you can find some longer examples here. Consider the following

Caesarean Birth Plan Choices

• Music in theatre.

• Write a short letter to the team who is providing your care that is read out by the anaesthetist at the beginning to set the mood/ tone.

• Turn the gown so it opens at the front after the spinal is cited.

• Cannula in my non-dominant arm/hand.

• Sticky pads on my back, not chest so they don’t stick into the baby during skin to skin.

• Birth partner to keep me calm with slow breathing, lavender on a tissue, relaxing touch.

• Screen lowered/ not lowered as the baby is born.

• Delayed cord clamping of 1 minute.

• Skin to skin in theatre with myself/ partner.

• We would prefer to delay the first checks on the baby until we have had 1-2 hours of skin to skin.

Recovery after Caesarean Birth

1. You can begin your scar massage two weeks after the birth when the scab has fallen off, here is an excellent video about healing after caesarean birth.

2. Read this blog which has lots of information about planning for an easier recovery.

Warmest wishes to you all, Nissa xx

How to buy and sell second hand baby, kids and maternity items online

Babies grow with the speed of light, kids sometimes use a toy for a couple of weeks and then never again, and maternity, well - this one is actually set on a timer!

Buying pre-loved items is a great way of contributing to a world with less waste and leading a more sustainable life by giving products an extended life. Many products are built to last and can be used by many families before they are actually not usable anymore.

Selling items that have been used with love by your family can make you a bit of money, declutter your home and contribute to a circular economy. It can become addictive too.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing and we are not into eco-guilt. You can mix used and new items, do what works for you!

Here are 5 tips on how to BUY secondhand items online:

1. Search for the items you need, but be open to slight differences

In short: if you are looking for a BabyBjorn bouncer in Grey model Bliss with toy bar, you might not find it. But if you search for a BabyBjorn bouncer you might find it and you can search for the toy bar separately.

2. Take your time in examining the photos at full size

Second hand is not new, so look at the images carefully to know what to expect. If there aren’t enough photos, ask the seller if they can upload more, and ask them if there are any signs of wear (in case they haven’t described or taken photos of any).

3. Curb your expectations a little

Don’t expect a new item, you are buying second hand.

A little wear is expected even if the items are in great condition.

4. You might not find it the first time round

You might not find what you need the first time you look for it. Don’t be put off - buying pre-loved items is a bit like going on a hunt. Give it a few days and you might be lucky. When you find it, it will feel great.

5. Be proud of yourself

You are contributing to a world with less waste! Little by little, a little becomes a lot and buying second hand is a fabulous way of leading a more sustainable life.

Here are 5 tips on how to SELL secondhand items online:

1. Use your time efficiently

Put aside all the items you’d like to sell. Take photos of all your items in one go, so they’re all saved and ready to be uploaded later when you have time.

2. Take good photos

Simple, clear and bright photos help items to sell well and fast. Prepare the space. Choose an area with natural daylight and without distractions. Choose a simple background, like wooden floors or a rug. Take photos of the whole item as well as details, and especially of any wear and tear.

3. Write an accurate description

Describe the condition, any wear, details, size, brand, etc. The more you can add, the easier it will be to sell it.

4. Price it well

Some items have a great re-selling price, others less so. Have a look around to see what a similar item to yours has sold for, and have a think how much you’d pay for it at its current condition.

5. Include a postage option

You will get more interest if your item can be posted. The Post Office can be used for items under 2kg (they can also collect from your doorstep for 72p). For larger items, courier collections are easy to sort out (avoid MyHermes, we’ve had bad experiences with them in the past).

We are on a mission to extend the life of products and produce less waste. Come join us!

Ana, mum to Max and Founder of The Octopus Club.

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Induction of Labour, Guide and How to Have a Positive Experience

If you are offered induction of labour (IOL) it is helpful to explore the reason why and look at your individual circumstances to decide if this is the right choice for you and your baby. This piece will

• Discuss the common reasons for induction with reference to the supporting evidence.

• Consider ways to start labour prior to medical induction.

• Offer suggestions for a positive induction experience.

If you are told you need induction or you will be induced on a set date it may feel that you don’t have any options, this is not the case. Having an induction is always your choice although it may not be presented like this by your midwife or doctor. It is important to know that no one can force an intervention without consent.

Reasons Induction is Offered and the Supporting Research

Around 1/5 of pregnant women in the UK will have an induction, the more common reasons are considered below.

Postdates

Being ‘overdue’ is the most common reason that IOL is offered and the UK base their healthcare guidelines on the National Institute of Clinical Excellence (NICE) a summary of which can be found here. NICE suggest that induction is offered between 41 and 42 weeks of pregnancy so that the baby is born by 42 weeks, you can find the evidence to support this guideline here.

In summary, the research says that the rate of stillbirth is 0.4 per thousand for women who had induction prior to 42 weeks and 3 per thousand for those who went beyond 42 weeks of pregnancy. The data found no difference in the rate of birth by caesarean or forceps and ventouse (instrumental births) between the two groups. Consider these numbers, you may feel that it is a significant increase and a risk you would not feel happy to take OR you may think that the increase is small and would consider going beyond 42 weeks of pregnancy. This is a deeply personal decision and not a choice anyone else can or should make for you.

Maternal Age

In the UK you will be offered IOL if you are 40 years or more when your baby is born, this is because there is an increased chance of stillbirth if you are over 40 and go beyond 40 weeks of pregnancy. You can find the supporting research for this here. It is important to note that if you have had a previous baby your risk of stillbirth is lower and a summary of this data can be seen in the table below.

Stillbirth Rates for Women Giving Birth per 1000 Ongoing Pregnancies

Reddy, Ko et al, 2006 (Data taken 2001-2002 from US Birth Certificates)

IVF/ Articifical Reproductive Technology (ART) Pregnancies

There is no conclusive data or universal agreement if induction should be offered for ART pregnancies, so hospitals have varied guidelines some offering induction and some not. There is an increased risk for these pregnancies, but this is associated with maternal health factors (older age, obesity, uterine anomalies, multiple gestations etc) rather than the treatment itself.  You can read further research related to this here.

When deciding if IOL is right for you and your baby consider your individual circumstances and if you have other risk factors rather than simply the use of assisted conception.

Medical Reasons

If IOL is offered for medical reasons including diabetes, high blood pressure, pre-eclampsia or baby’s size you can ask to see the relevant research and data that these guidelines are based on. Looking at the numbers helps you make a balanced and informed decision.

It is interesting to note that NICE says in the absence of any other indications, induction of labour should not be carried out simply because a healthcare professional suspects a baby is large for gestational age (macrosomic) although this does occur often in practice.

Pros and Cons for Induction

Weigh up the pros and cons for IOL by looking at your own individual circumstances. The decision may feel easy and obvious or a more difficult one to make.

Possible Pros

• IOL feels like the safest choice for your baby.

• You may be able to start the induction process as an outpatient or on the midwifery-led unit.

• You may feel ready to give birth.

Possible Cons

• It may take a couple of days to get labour started in the hospital leaving you tired and more likely to choose an epidural.

• Induced labour can feel more intense and less manageable than spontaneous labour (NICE).

• If you require a syntocinon drip to trigger regular surges you will need to be on the doctor-led unit and the birth pool will no longer be an option.

• The induction may fail in which case the baby will be born by caesarean.

• You may feel unready to give birth.

You can choose to accept, postpone by a day or two or decline the induction. NICE suggest that from 42 weeks, women who decline induction of labour should be offered increased antenatal monitoring consisting of at least twice‑weekly cardiotocography (CTG) and ultrasound estimation of maximum amniotic pool depth.

Encourage Your Labour to Start before Induction

Trying to stay as relaxed as possible is important but many Mums become anxious as they go past their due date. Remember that the due date is just a 5-week due ‘window’ which stretches from 37-42 weeks.

If you a holding in pent up anxiety it can be helpful to feel the emotions deeply. Try to release them with a weepy movie and a good cry long. I have had many clients go into labour once they have allowed the feelings rather than suppressing them in their efforts to stay calm.

Sweeps

You will be offered a sweep by the midwife at some point after 40 weeks of pregnancy, you can learn more about sweeps and consider if you want one by watching this video. Sweeps can work if your body is already starting to change ready for labour and your cervix has softened moved forward and opened. Data suggests that sweeps work 50% of the time although you may need 2 or 3 over a few days.

NICE says that currently, available evidence does not support the following for induction of labour: herbal supplements, acupuncture, homoeopathy, castor oil, hot baths, enemas, sexual intercourse. However, some of my clients have had success with the following methods.

Acupuncture

Starting once-weekly treatment from 34-36 weeks of pregnancy to encourage the cervix to ripen and open. This can be combined with full body massage for maximum relaxation.

Nipple Stimulation

Stimulating your nipples by hand or with a breast pump releases oxytocin and there is some evidence that suggests this can increase the chance of spontaneous labour by up to 30%. These studies were based on mums doing this for at least an hour a day for 5 days.

Dates

There is limited evidence to suggest that eating 6 dates a day from 34 weeks of pregnancy reduced the chance of needing our labour augmented with the oxytocin drip.

Movement

If your hips will allow it, go for a vigorous long walk each day to encourage the baby’s head to put pressure onto the cervix to stretch and open it.

Baby’s Position

Sometimes labour does not start or starts and stops because your baby isn’t in an optimal position eg back to back/ posterior. You can learn more about this and encourage them into a better position by taking my online course Align Your Baby.

Reflexology/ Massage/ Deep Relaxation with Audio Tracks/ Orgasm

Any complementary therapy or activity which encourages a feeling of wellness, calm and oxytocin release may be beneficial. Plan your days to include things that you find deeply relaxing.

You can watch me talk more about other ways of encouraging labour to start here.

I Have Accepted Induction, How Do I Have a Positive Experience?

If you go into IOL feeling very anxious and that it is not your decision this can increase your adrenaline output and reduce your birthing hormones, potentially making the induction process longer and more challenging.  

Once you know you are going in for an induction, mindset and a little preparation is key for a positive experience. You can watch a video explaining the process of induction here. It is important to make peace with your decision even if you feel it isn’t your ideal situation and as labour will be starting in a more medical setting you need to lay on your relaxation techniques extra thick. The following suggestions can be helpful.

1. Write some mantras for a positive induction. Use these throughout the days in the lead up to induction and throughout the birth.

2. Read some positive induction stories here.

3. Set up your environment in the hospital with home comforts; pillows, aromatherapy, photos etc.

4. Listen to the hypnobirthing tracks before induction and during the early stages in the hospital to tap into your state of deep relaxation. Headphones and an eye mask can help you block out the hospital environment and travel inwards.

5. Use slow breathing to relax whenever needed.

6. Take yourself off for walks and lunch or dinner if you need a break from the hospital environment, the process can take a couple of days so it is good to have a change of scene if possible.

7. Gentle nipple stimulation to boost oxytocin! Kissing, cuddling and massage can all get the hormones flowing.

8. Focus on your gorgeous baby, holding them in your arms and taking them home, boost those loving feelings to help your body go into labour.

9. Visualise your cervix softening and opening.

10. Once you start the induction process in the hospital remember, you can still decline anything at any time if it does not feel right. If you are not sure about something ask lot’s of questions and for half an hour or an hour to consider it, so you don’t feel pressured or rushed into decision making on the spot.

Although it may not feel like it, it is possible to stop the induction process and move to a caesarean if this is the right choice for you and your baby at any time.

Birth Bag Checklist

I am a BIG believer in LESS is definitely MORE when it comes to your hospital bag. These are the ‘can’t live without’ essentials, and you’ll be glad you took them with you.

Think about it as though you are packing for a short holiday, we are always tempted to pack more than we need so don't pack items unless you use in your everyday life!

FOR BABY

• Baby vests x4 and baby grows (with legs and arms) x4 this may seem like a lot, but you’ll be surprised how many they go through!!

• Hat for the first 4 hours after birth and for the journey home

• Cotton blanket

• Cotton wool to gently clean Baby’s bottom with warm water

• Going home clothes, these will vary depending on the season but will include a thicker layer to go on top of the baby grow

• Nappies, a small pack

• Muslin squares x2 for mopping up milky dribbles spills etc

• Socks or booties x1

• Car seat, you will need this to go home but your birth partner may be ale to bring it in after your baby is born

FOR MUM

During Labour and Birth

• Hospital notes with birth plan stapled to the front

• Snacks (nuts, energy balls, dark chocolate, bananas, cereal bars or anything you fancy!)

• Drinks (isotonic or coconut water is great)

• Clary sage and lavender essential oil. Clary sage can increase your surges, so this is good if your labour is slow or surges are far apart/ mild. Lavender is excellent for relaxation. Add 3 drops of essential oil to a tissue and sniff OR to one tablespoon of base oil like almond, sunflower or coconut, and rub this onto your tummy and back

• Other massage oil for labour

• A nightdress or long Tshirt/ vest x2 (in case it gets dirty and you’d like to stay fresh) to wear during early labour. Many Mums will prefer to be naked in strong labour

• Lip balm, your lips gets very dry especially if you use gas and air

• Hairbands

• TENS machine, good to help Mums cope in early and strong labour, you can rent or buy one

• A pillow with your own patterned cover on so it doesn’t get absorbed by the hospital, there is often a strange shortage

• Something to play music on a like phone or Ipad with mini speakers/ headphones

• Reusable bottle of water with a straw in it. Keeping hydrated definitely helps your labour and a straw helps you drink more easily

• A flannel, it feels so lovely to have your face wiped with warm or cool water

• Water spray for your face

  After Birth

• Soft pyjamas with an open front for breastfeeding (shirt style)

• Slippers or flip flops

• Bathrobe or dressing gown

• Thick sanitary pads, your bleeding after birth is heavier than a period for 24 hours

• Disposable knickers (1-2 sizes bigger than normal) or old soft large knickers, x5 pairs. You’ll get through more than you think

• Going home clothes that are soft and stretchy. It’s common to be a bit sore and tender after birth, so the softer the better

• A breastfeeding-friendly bra if you plan to breastfeed/ soft supportive bra if you don’t

• Hairbrush

• Toothbrush/ toothpaste, hand sanitiser, deodorant, shampoo, soap and face cream to make you feel fresh

• Eye mask/ earplugs

• Small portable touch light for the night (tap to turn on and off), good for feeding in the night at home as well

• Paracetamol

  FOR BIRTH PARTNER

• Plenty of food and snacks for during birth and after

• Drinks!

• Wallet with change for the parking and vending machine

• Phone with useful numbers stored (midwife/ hospital)

• Long phone charger

• A change of clothes

• Plastic bag for dirty clothes

You can download a FREE shareable PDF of this piece here.

A Free Guide to Mental Health in Pregnancy and Postpartum

Becoming a mother is one of the most significant transitions in a woman’s life. Not only is there the physical growth and birth of the baby, but there is a parallel emotional journey towards motherhood.

The way a woman experiences her pregnancy is individual to her. We all come to pregnancy with our own important personal histories. You may have been through many cycles of fertility treatment; you may not want children; you may have conceived in a blended cultural family; you may have experienced a previous pregnancy loss; you may have conceived straight away and are ecstatic; you may be recently bereaved; you may have experienced birth trauma; you may have become pregnant at the same time as your best friend… this is by no means a complete list, but highlights how each and every woman will be experiencing and living her pregnancy differently.

Most women experience changes in their mood and relationships during pregnancy. This is to be expected as it is a huge life-changing time. For most, these feelings come and go, and may feel momentarily overwhelming, but you are able to continue living your life as you would like. For some, however, these feelings and emotions can be all-consuming, and they hinder every-day life. A pre-existing mental health diagnosis can sometimes be an indication of maternal mental health challenges in pregnancy or with a new baby, although not always.

Please know, that the behaviours and thoughts I list below are not to be used to diagnose, these are for personal reference only. The list is not exhaustive, and there may be symptoms and behaviours not mentioned. If you are concerned about yourself or a loved one, please speak to a professional.

Ante/Postnatal Anxiety – anxiety can heighten during pregnancy. This can feel like restlessness; running thoughts; heart thumping; sweaty palms; panic; breathlessness; hypervigilance; insomnia; exhaustion.

Ante/Postnatal Depression – can feel like a heavy dampening of everything; a lack of joy and excitement; some describe feeling empty and no variation in mood; struggling to sleep, sheer exhaustion; no motivation.

Ante/Postnatal Obsessive and compulsive behaviours and thought patterns (OCD). Thoughts that can feel overwhelming, intrusive and terrifying. Obsessively counting kicks/movement. Fear of baby dying. Compulsively cleaning, disinfecting, bathing.

Postnatal maternal OCD can sometimes present as relentless thoughts around the terror of harming your baby. Although you know you will never act upon these thoughts, they can be so chilling and abhorrent, and flood your mind. Please know these thoughts are common, and your baby is safe.

Birth Trauma – is when you were or perceived that you or your baby were under threat of death or serious injury. Re-experiencing the trauma through flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and nightmares; being hypervigilant, especially around the baby; feel guilt around the birth, or feelings of depression.

Postpartum Psychosis – is a rare, but treatable medical emergency. It can present in many different ways but is often accompanied by hallucinations, delusions and mania. It can appear suddenly and can change from moment to moment. If you suspect yourself or a loved one of experience postpartum psychosis, please read the APP website and call a healthcare professional immediately.

Although I have listed some of the occasions when mental health is strained, please know that for many women, the experience of becoming a mother is positive and fulfilling.

However, if you are struggling, there are some things you can do to help alleviate this.

• Speak to your midwife or GP.

• Speak to your friends.

• Join ante/postnatal classes.

• Gentle exercise (especially outdoors).

• Try and carve out some alone time, or social time – whichever is most comforting to you.

• Care for your body.

• Journal or note your thoughts down in a way that feels right to you. Sometimes telling someone else feels too much, and by writing you are telling yourself, and this can be surprisingly effective.

An incredibly uplifting and hopeful thought to hold on to is that with help and support, most perinatal mental health challenges are temporary.

 Some really useful websites:

• Mental Health Support Through Pregnancy and after Birth  

• Making Birth Better

• Birth Trauma Association

• Maternal OCD

• Postnatal Depression Awareness & Support   

• Mothers for Mothers

• Counselling Directory

• Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society  

• Fertility Network UK

You can find a FREE shareable PDF of this and many other resources HERE.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………

Elisha Nunhofer is a person-centred psychotherapist who specialises in maternal mental health. She has extensive experience of working with clients who are exploring the possibility of having children; going through fertility treatment; have experienced all forms of pregnancy loss and termination; ante and postnatal depression and anxiety; adoption and surrogacy.

She sees clients via video call or in-person in East Sussex. For more information, please visit her website.

A Free Guide to Having a Doula

To doula or not to doula…that is the question!

Ever heard of a doula? Wondered what one is, what they do and how they can help? Is it all witchcraft and incense? Hopefully, I can dispel a few myths here!

What is a doula?
A doula supports women and those that birth through pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period. How do we do that…. well, to start with we are non-judgemental and incredibly open in our approach. We appreciate that everyone makes decisions that are right for them at any given moment and our aim is to make sure that you feel fully informed and supported to make the choices that suit you.

We can help by signposting good evidenced-based research (no opinions, judgement or advice here, we want you to explore what feels right for YOU) and by exploring the emotional and practical needs a doula can bring, it means we will respond to the individual needs of each pregnant person…with the idea that you feel confident and empowered, and that any gaps in knowledge, care, understanding or communication is bridged.

You can read more about the role of the doula here and this is a great source of evidence-based information.

Are we just for the mother to be/birthing person?
No! As doulas we often support the partner, whoever that may be, so they too are informed and relaxed. By offering continuity of care, we build relationships with whoever needs that support so that when the day of birth arrives, everyone is as positive and included as they can be.

Are we clinical and can we give medical advice?
In short, no. We are not medics but fully appreciate there are roles we all play when supporting birthing women/people… although we have different roles, doulas keep the needs of those they support, at the forefront of their minds always. We want that oxytocin flowing so work hard to make your birth space as calm as possible!

Are there statistics to show the benefits of having a doula?
Yes! There is evidence to show that having a doula can:

• Reduce risk of caesarean birth.

• Reduce risk of instrumental birth.

• Reduce need for painkillers or epidural during birth.

• Reduce risk of induction of labour.

• Shorten labour.

• Increase parental satisfaction with the birth experience.

• Increase the likelihood of initiating breastfeeding.

• Increase the likelihood of successfully establishing breastfeeding and breastfeeding at six weeks.

• Lower incidence of depressive symptomology.

• Improve equity and provide culturally responsive care

(Brigstocke S. MIDIRS Midwifery Digest, vol 24, no 2, 2014, pp157-160)

The best doula for you?
Chat to a few! See who you connect with... when the rapport flows and you know you could chat about anything with ease…you’re on the right track!

You can download a FREE PDF of this piece and many other useful resources HERE.

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Sam is a married mum of two, has a cat, dog & bearded dragon & has lived in Essex all her life.

After training in 2008 with Nurturing Birth she dipped her toe further into the birth world (also attending the training & facilitating for Mindful Doulas) and went on to explore mental wellbeing, Birth Trauma (3 step rewind technique), infant massage, hypnobirthing and many other workshops and study days that caught her eye! Finding community, supporting those who need it and embracing who you are is at the heart of Sam’s drive and is why you’ll find her as ‘the unapologetic doula’ on social media!

She’s been a doula mentor for seven years and at the end of 2019 was overjoyed to be asked to join the Nurturing Birth team where she has branched out to facilitate the new doula courses 😊

Contact Sam via email – samshepp4@yahoo.com or call 07793970367 for a free chat on how a doula can benefit you, or check out the links on this guide for her FB page, more info and reviews/testimonials.

A Free Guide to Postnatal Healing

When Nissa asked me to write an article about postnatal healing, I jumped at the chance. It’s a subject I am truly passionate about and this stems from the knowledge that huge changes can be brought about physically, emotionally and spiritually by focusing on postnatal healing. This is something that I see happen on a daily basis in my clinic.

In this short article, I will introduce some key areas to think about:

Physical healing:

Rest - This is the essential first step for physical healing. It’s very easy to underestimate the need to rest and nourish yourself. But I have seen enough women who have suffered from a vaginal prolapse a few weeks after delivery to know this has got to be a priority.  

Scar tissue - If you’ve had a c-section, episiotomy or vaginal tearing, then doing scar tissue release work is super important. Many women are scared to touch their scar tissue but in fact, scar tissue responds beautifully to touch and research suggests that it has a hugely beneficial effect on the healing process. There are some simple techniques you can do yourself (you can find videos on my website for these with links below) and you can also see a women’s health specialist trained in scar tissue work to help with this.

Emotional healing:

Almost universally, we women tend to blame and judge ourselves - this can take many forms, such as ‘My birth went the way it did because I didn’t do enough,’ or ‘I’m not a real woman/mother because I didn’t do this...’ Honestly, it is rare to find a woman who is not blaming herself in some way. So, for emotional healing, the number one decision is to forgive ourselves. Think of the judgement you are making about yourself in relation to your pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding. Would you judge your friend for that?  Now forgive yourself for judging yourself in that way. It’s powerful to say this out loud and notice how you feel after saying this.

Spiritual healing:

Once we have done this emotional healing and are no longer blaming ourselves for the way things are, we are free to let the healing energy flow through us. I use a concept called the Birthing Field in my work - a loving energetic field which flows through us as mothers to our children. This is an incredibly powerful tool (which can be used even years after your delivery) to shift from numbness/disconnect/trauma within your body into a feeling a loving connection with your birth experience and your body. 

If you have experienced any sort of birth trauma then know that this can be healed and we can reconnect with our bodies in a beautiful way.  In my experience, it often doesn’t take much to do so, and you do not need to live with these effects. To find out more about postnatal healing check out the free resources on my website.

You can find a FREE shareable PDF of this piece here.

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Rebecca is an experienced osteopath who works with you at the level which is appropriate – for some this will mean pure physical support, for others mental, emotional or spiritual support.   

She uses osteopathy in its fullest sense using structural, visceral and cranial approaches. Rebecca works with everyone (men, women and babies) but is particularly interested in supporting those with women’s health issues. She treats many women who have not been able to find help elsewhere and welcomes complex cases. 

Rebecca also works energetically helping to shift trauma patterns, frequently using this work to help women recover from difficult births and help with chronic pain patterns.  She offers this support face to face and virtually. For more information visit her website.

A Free Guide to Breastfeeding, the Early Days

Being informed supports you to confidently make decisions and choices. So just like you have with pregnancy and birth finding out as much as you can about breastfeeding before your baby arrives will give you confidence and get you off to a great start.

Breastfeeding may be natural but that doesn’t mean that it is easy. You are learning a new skill and this takes time. Try and be gentle with yourself and remember that what works for one mother and baby may not work for you and that’s ok. We are all different.

Skin to skin, cuddles and keeping your baby close to you will help you both become more intune with each other, supporting you to become more confident in recognising their feeding cues & meeting their needs.

Early

If you can, try and support your baby to feed within the first 1-2 hours after birth. Placing your baby on your chest immediately following their birth supports their inborn feeding reflexes. Did you know that if left alone and uninterrupted most babies can find their way to the breast and attach. (This is called the breast crawl, you can find videos of this online – it is amazing).

Responsive

Feeding responsively recognises that feeds are not just for nutrition, but also for love, comfort and reassurance between a baby and their parent. You can not overfeed a breastfed baby.

Frequent

For the first 24 hours, your baby may not be that interested in feeding. Try and keep your baby close to you, this way you can recognise early feeding cues & as soon as they are showing these cues you can offer the breast. From the second day onwards your baby will become more active and alert, this is a time where they will want to feed more frequently and may not want to be away from you.

This is normal and really important for establishing your milk supply. It is very common for new babies to feed 10-14 in 24 hours (the minimum number of feeds is at least 8 times in 24 hours).

Effective

How you hold your baby and attach them to the breast will be different for everyone. It may take time for you to find a position that you feel comfortable with. Being familiar with some basics which work no matter how you hold your baby to feed will support pain-free feeding, ensure your baby is getting the milk they need to grow and that your body is getting the messages it needs to increase and support your supply.

• Hold your baby CLOSE. Aiming for no gaps between you and y our baby.

• Make sure that their HEAD is free to move backwards. As they open their mouth wide their head will tilt back. So no fingers on the back of their head.

• Keep their body in a straight line. IN-LINE. Their ears over their shoulders and their shoulders over their hips.

• Start with your baby’s NOSE opposite your NIPPLE. Their chin should be touching the breast as this triggers their reflexes to find the breast and latch.

• Make sure that the position that you are in is SUSTAINABLE. Your comfort is really important – remember you will be in this position many times a day for extended periods. So think about supporting your back, softening your shoulders, putting your feet up and leaning back. This leaning back will also take the pressure off your perineum and you can take advantage of gravity to hold your baby against you.

• Remember to BRING your baby to your breast rather than your breast to your baby.

How will I know if my baby is hungry?

Recognising when your new baby asks to be fed will soon become second nature to you. Ideally, you are looking & responding to early cues. Some examples of these early cues are

• Restlessness

• Moving their head from side to side

• Making small movements

• Moving their head towards the breast when being held.

If your baby is crying then take some time to settle them before feeding.

How will you know if my baby is getting enough?

Your breast and nipples will not be sore, you will see signs of nutritive sucking & audible swallowing. Also, keep an eye on the number of wet and dirty nappies they are having and if the colour of their poo is changing. This is an important visual that will let you know if your baby is getting enough.

Be confident & trust your body. Your body that nurtured and nourished your baby throughout pregnancy will continue to do so once they are with you. This positive mindset can be so helpful in the early days.

You can download a FREE shareable PDF of this piece HERE and watch me giving some top breastfeeding tips here.

Some of my favourite books

• You’ve Got It In You: A Positive Guide to Breastfeeding by Emma Pickett

• The Positive Breastfeeding Book by Amy Brown

• The Baby Feeding Book by Vanessa Christie

Other places to go to for information and support

Breastfeeding Support

Unicef Baby Friendly

Kelly Mom

Global Health Media Project

Association of Breastfeeding Mothers

The Breastfeeding Network

La Leche League

BASIS

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Imogen is a Senior Neonatal Care Nurse with 18 years of experience supporting families, an IBCLC Breastfeeding Consultant and a Mum of two. She is passionate about breastfeeding, but more importantly, passionate about mothers being supported to make informed choices.

​She believes that breastfeeding can be made easier with great preparation and support and offers a range of services for mothers and couples, both before and after the birth of their babies.

Imogen supports families face to face in London and virtually all around the world, you can find out more on her website and follow her on Instagram for regular information and inspiration.

A Free Guide to Tongue Ties

The big question is what is a tongue tie?

A tongue-tie can be diagnosed if the membrane under the tongue, also known as a frenulum, is restrictive enough to cause reduced tongue movement and feeding problems. We all have a frenulum under our tongues when it does not permit the tongue to move freely, we can call it a tongue tie.

Some tongue-ties are relatively easy to spot, the frenulum is attached very close to the tip of the tongue and gum line. When a baby cries there is little lift of the tongue and often the tongue appears heart-shaped.

However, many tongue ties cannot be diagnosed by just looking in a baby’s mouth. If the frenulum is posterior, this means it is further back in the mouth, or submucosal, one cannot tell just by looking into the mouth. A full assessment needs to be made, as it is easy to miss a posterior tongue tie.

When assessing a tongue tie it is important to consider the impact that it has on feeding, the baby and Mum. Both posterior and anterior tongue ties can cause significant problems and affect both breast- and bottle-fed babies.

If in doubt always get a skilled practitioner to assess, rather than just accepting that there is or is not a tongue tie present.

Symptoms can include, but are not limited to the following:

• Difficulty latching

• Painful feeding

• Mis-shapen or blanched (pale/ white) nipples at the end of the feed

• Clicking

• Fussy unsettled behaviour

• Low milk supply

• Slipping down the nipple

• Coming on and off the breast

• Difficulty controlling the flow of milk

• Leaking lots of milk as the baby is unable to form a good seal

• around the breast or bottle

• Excessively long feeds OR very short frequent feeds

• Excessive weight loss by day 5 or poor/slow weight gain

• Clicking

Tongue-tie division, also known as frenotomy, can help to improve feeding and reduce pain for Mums. However, it is also extremely important to get good feeding support as early as possible if you are experiencing problems. You can watch good breastfeeding attachment here.

Myth: “It’s normal for you to feel pain until your nipples toughen up.”

Fact: This is an indication that something isn’t quite right. Get some skilled help as soon as possible ideally from an IBCLC lactation consultant, a practitioner who has undertaken additional extensive training to support breastfeeding.

Some NHS areas have fantastic infant feeding support so you may only need someone to divide the tongue tie and your midwife or health visitor can refer you to the NHS service or you can use a private practitioner if there is a delay.

There are many tongue tie dividers who are also lactation consultants who are more cost-effective if you go privately. You can find a register of tongue-tie practitioners here.

You can download a FREE shareable PDF of this and many other resources here.

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Regina is an independent midwife, IBCLC lactation consultant and tongue tie divider.

She visits her clients in their home rather than a clinic and offers services to families living in north, east, west, and central London and the London borders of Essex and Hertfordshire.

Regina provides one-off services for tongue-tie divisions AND additional breastfeeding support on a longer-term basis. You can find more information on her website here.

What do I Need for a Newborn Baby and a New Mum?

My key message is you really need less than you think and don’t buy everything in advance as you will get bits that you never use!  This is based on having two babies myself AND working as a midwife seeing hundreds of new parents. Of course, everyone’s list will look a little different, but you can buy a lot second hand or borrow from friends/family as so much is only used for a few months or less.

Try eBay, local parents Facebook groups and there are many great specific Facebook selling groups in the UK for slings, specific buggy brand (type into Facebook ‘buy and sell *brand*’), cloth nappies and good quality baby clothes brands like Polarn O Pyret. We also LOVE Octopus Club for pre-loved baby clothes and toys.

For a Baby 0-6 weeks

Nappies

·       Lots of small/ newborn size nappies, see my other piece here on washable nappies.

·       Something to clean your baby’s bottom and just water is kindest on newborn skin. I like clothe wipes and the clean/dirty kit with great smelling essential oils from Cheeky Wipes is excellent but if you already have 2x Tupperware boxes that will work just as well. Washable wipes work a lot better than disposable ones which push the poo around your baby’s bottom! Surprisingly one washable wipe does the work of many disposable ones.

Baby Clothes

• 8x super-soft cotton baby vests (short sleeve in summer and long sleeve in winter) and 8x sleepsuits (which cover arms and legs) in small/ newborn size. Only buy clothes for 0-3 months, as you go along you’ll find you prefer some styles, types and brands, and what you need will depend on the season. Buy expensive brands second hand as they often have only been used for a few months or even weeks.

• 1x warmer newborn outdoor ‘pram suit’ but you might not use this much, so getting a second hand one is a good idea, we only used ours three times before it was too small.

• A hat.

• A natural fibre blanket, a friend gave us an old wool one which my baby loved.

• Muslin squares are handy for milky spills and as a makeshift changing surface wherever you are and some babies bring up a lot of milk!

Feeding

You might need some breastfeeding kit but buy what you need as you go, this may include;

• Breast pads if you leak, washable ones are good.

• Nipple shields if the baby has trouble latching or your nipples get sore.

• Nipple balm/ cream although breast milk will do just as good a job.

If you plan to mix feed or formula feed from newborn then you will needs;

• Formula

• Bottles

• A steriliser

 There is a lot to choose from but don’t overthink it, all formula in the UK meets nutritional guidelines and the biggest difference is in the branding and I would recommend using glass bottles.

Sleeping

Where do you want your baby to sleep for the first three months?

•  A basket or in the bed with you?

Some babies settle well in a basket and some don’t so many peoples won’t use their basket very much or even at all, this is a good thing to borrow or get second hand. Most newborn babies find a cot too big and scary until they get older.

• Sleep bags x2 in newborn size are a good option and some come with a swaddle function. Grobag is a dependable brand and they come in togs, 1 tog for summer up to 2.5-3.5 tog for winter. These are often available second hand on local Facebook groups for a few pounds.

Getting Around with Your Baby

• A car seat to take your baby home if you birth in hospital, you can borrow from a friend if you don’t have a car of your own.

• Baby carrier/ sling for newborn, a stretchy wrap or Moby are nice and cosy when the baby is small but might not feel as comfortable when they get a bit bigger and wriggly so second hand is a good option. I used a borrowed Moby until my son was 5kg and then switched to an Ergo 360 which is still going strong and he is now 10kg! You can find my good guide to slings here and a baby carrying for winter video here.

Other bits

•  Baby bath, we loved this one but only used it until our son until he was 6 months old when he started using the normal bath so a second-hand one is a good idea to save on plastic.

• A bouncing chair, the Ergo baby bouncer with googly eyes attached is popular but expensive, you can pick up a second hand one for around £30 and my baby preferred the very old Fisher-Price bouncing chair our neighbour gave us which you bounced with your foot!

For New Mums the Month after Giving Birth

•  If you plan to breastfeed invest in two good quality non-underwired soft nursing bras before you give birth. You are likely to leak at first while your supply regulates so one might be in the wash most of the time. If you have big boobs like me (a D or more) Bravissimo is excellent and will fit you in the shop or over the phone.

• A breastfeeding pillow, you will spend a lot of time feeding your new baby so be comfortable! I used my BBHugMe pregnancy pillow to feed until my son was 6 months.

• A large water bottle and metal straw, boy do you get thirsty if you breastfeed!

• A pair of soft stretchy sweatpants or your pregnancy leggings.

• Big cotton underwear (2 sizes bigger than your pre-pregnancy size is normally comfy) or disposable ones (incontinence pants are excellent) as you bleed heavily for a few days after birth.

• Soft maternity pads or washable pads as you often bleed for 2-6 weeks after birth and its good to change these every few hours to avoid infection if you have had some stitches.

• Lavender essential oil to aid sleep/daytime naps, pop a few drops on your pillow or on a tissue to smell.

• A relaxation/ meditation track to support calm and naps. You can get one of mine here if you make a donation to the charity Warchild.

• Lots of snacks and food, soups, broths and stews are excellent warming foods which are easy on the digestion after birth.

• Help with cooking, cleaning and looking after the baby so you can rest/ nap in the daytime!

Items you don’t need initially but may be useful when your baby is 2-3 months;

• Baby monitor, many babies cluster feed in the evenings so it’s better to have them with you until you go to bed during the first six weeks. My son started going ‘to bed’ when he was three months old and started to sleep 2-3 hours in our bedroom and then wake for a feed. Before three months we kept him with us and he slept and fed a lot while we ate and watched TV.

• A cot for when your baby is bigger, my son started to sleep in his when he was six months old but co-slept with me before that. We bought a cot that magically transforms into a bed and should last him until he is around 10 years old.

• A buggy, I still mostly use the sling and my son is 9 months old, but you may need a buggy for shopping etc. A good quality second-hand buggy in good condition is a wise buy!

• Playmat/ quilted blanket, your baby will likely stop using this once they start crawling!

• A breast pump, there are many options including manual, electric and hands-free but you may not need one at all. I wouldn’t recommend buying a second-hand pump as you don’t know how much it has been used, how good the battery life is or suction is.

• A dummy, not recommended for the first six weeks as it pacifies your baby and you will miss some of their feeding cues.

Items you don’t need at all;

• That funny little kit with the nail scissors, thermometer etc. I already had a digital thermometer but still haven’t used it yet for my baby!

• Baby cream, nappy rash cream, shampoo, soap or other products. Your baby’s skin is its biggest organ and I wouldn’t recommend putting anything on at first it that you wouldn’t put inside them. Breast milk is great for clearing up dry skin, minor rashes and irritated bottoms and many ‘baby products’ like Johnsons contain harsh drying ingredients. A little later you might choose a natural organic oil like sunflower, almond or coconut for their skin.

• Changing bag, you can use any normal bag!

• Changing bin, just pop your nappies straight into your normal bin.

You can download a FREE shareable PDF of this and many other resources here.

A Free Guide to Cloth Nappies

You’ve decided to give cloth nappies a go but you’re not sure where to start. Here are our cloth nappy FAQs which will demystify cloth nappies and help you on your cloth nappy journey.

What are the different types of cloth nappy?

For a cloth nappy to work, you basically need two parts – an absorbent part and a waterproof part. The difference between the four main cloth nappy types or systems is how these parts are combined.

All in ones – the absorbent inner and waterproof outer are sewn together to form a one-piece nappy.

All in twos – the absorbent inner and waterproof outer are two separate parts that can be fastened together, usually by snapping the insert into the waterproof wrap or cover.

Pockets - the waterproof outer is sewn to a stay-dry lining to form a pocket which the absorbency is inserted into.

Two parters - consists of an absorbent flat (terry, muslin or prefold) or fitted nappy that fits around the baby with a separate waterproof wrap/cover over the top.

What about liners/stay dry linings?

Some nappies have a stay dry lining sewn in, for example, pocket nappies or you can add a separate reusable or disposable liner into others. Liners are optional but can help keep a baby dry as they act as a barrier between their skin and the absorbent fabric and can help with poo disposal once a baby is eating solid food.

Can I use them from birth?

Absolutely! Got loads of muslins gifted to you? Perfect! These paired with a waterproof wrap over the top make fabulous nappies for a newborn. Our video here covers other newborn cloth nappy options.

Some parents prefer to wait until their baby is a little bigger so birth to potty sized nappies fit. Despite the name, birth to potty nappies fit best from around 4.5 kg so you may get leaks and find them bulky before then.

What about leaks?

It’s all about getting the fit right. The elastic at the back of the nappy should be low, sitting just over the top of the bottom, leg elastics fitted snugly into the knicker line/leg creases with the front of the nappy sitting under the belly button.

No need for the nappy to be fastened too tightly, ensure you can fit two fingers down the front of the nappy but no gaps around the legs. Take a look at our fit video here for more fit tips.

How should I wash and dry them?

Most nappy manufacturers and retailers will specify how the nappies they make or sell should be washed and dried. It’s worth checking out their recommendations if you’re buying new nappies. The washing routine we recommend is a short, warm wash cycle followed by a warm or hot cotton wash cycle with a full dose of detergent based on the box recommendations for hard water, heavy soiling and your drum size. Air drying either outside on the line or on an indoor airer is optimal.

How many do I need?

The number of nappies you need depends on your baby’s age, how many you use on an average day and how quickly you can get nappies dry. We suggest 18-24 nappies for full-time use on a baby from 4 months+ washing every other day. It doesn’t have to

be all or nothing though. Using one cloth nappy a day saves 365 nappies a year from landfill or the incinerator.

Which cloth nappy is best?

Each nappy type has advantages and disadvantages. What suits your baby, your circumstances and your pocket will differ from that of another family. You don’t have to spend a huge amount of money trying all the nappies out there unless you want to! Nappy library trial kits can be hired for a small fee to give you the opportunity to try out a range of cloth nappies on your baby before buying your own. Buying preloved or second-hand nappies is another way of figuring out what nappies work for you and your baby at a low

cost. If you’re lucky enough to live in Waltham Forest or surrounding boroughs, you may be eligible for a Real Nappies for London Voucher. This gives you £54.15 to spend on cloth nappies at participating retailers.

You can download a FREE shareable PDF of this and many other resources here and watch Clair talking about the different types of nappies available here.

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Clair founded Waltham Forest Cloth Nappy Library in 2013 after using cloth nappies on her son and wondering what to do with all her nappies once he potty trained! She now supports parents and parents-to-be from all over East and North London via monthly Zoom workshops, a free Facebook group and YouTube channel and loan trial kits. She can be contacted for free advice and support via the contact details below.

Email: wfnappies@gmail.com

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A Free Guide to Baby Wearing and Slings

Why babywearing?

Carrying your baby in a sling is a natural act, and for many parents, babywearing is a way of life. Babies thrive when being held close to their parents, it helps them feel calm, secure, and content. The closeness helps forge a strong bond between a baby and their parents.

Slings promote responsive parenting, they enable parents to be close to their baby, pick up on their cues easily and answer their babies’ needs swiftly, whether it is feeding, sleeping, over-stimulation or any other needs.

Babies can be carried in slings in a comfortable, safe and secure manner from birth until toddlerhood and beyond and the benefits of babywearing are countless. Think ‘hands-free’ naps on the go and stress-free transport amongst many others.

Which sling is the ‘best’ sling?

There are lots of different types of slings; style, brands, material and options. The world of slings combined with a large amount of choice can be overwhelming and confusing when trying to find a sling.

There isn’t a ‘best’ sling and the best sling certainly isn’t the most expensive, the one all the other parents and your friends have, or the one everybody recommends or wants to give you.

The ‘best’ sling is simply the sling that works best for you, your baby and your family. It could be a stretchy wrap, a woven wrap, a ring sling, a meh dai, a podaeghi, an onbuhimo, a pouch, a half-buckle carrier or a buckle carrier. It could even an old tablecloth you turned into a sling to carry your baby!

The best sling is the one that is comfortable, supportive, that enables you to do everything you need it for and is safe, check out T.I.C.K.S. for safe babywearing.

Always try before you buy!

So, how do I choose a sling? Always try slings on before you buy one and try a few! Say no to offers of people buying a sling until you’ve made a choice as they all offer different types of comfort, support and carrying longevity.

Go to your local sling library/consultant, we love our job and love helping parents find ‘THE’ sling.

You can find your local consultant here.

When to get a sling?

There is no harm in trying on some slings while pregnant to get an idea of what’s out there, how slings feel and what you might like.

Once your baby arrives, you can go back to see your sling library to try the slings on with your baby, hire them out and see what works best for you.

And it’s never too late to start babywearing, so give it a go, you won’t regret it!

You can download a FREE shareable PDF of this and many other resources here and watch Mel demonstrating some of the more popular slings here.

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Mel is a mum of 2 boys based in Bethnal Green and runs Wrap a Hug Sling Library East London. She is a certified and experienced babywearing consultant with a real passion for supporting parents on their babywearing and parenthood journey. You will always find a warm welcome when booking a consultation with her.

She o-organises the Tower Hamlets Family Meet-up which is a parent support group where new parents come to meet and get free support from local perinatal experts.

Mel runs various sling library information sessions around east London and offers private consultations, face-to-face or online.

She will help you find the best sling for your family and has over 200 slings for you to try on and hire. Mel can also help you feed your little one in the slings, show you how to carry 2 babies and works with parents regardless of their physical ability.

She makes babywearing socks to keep your little ones’ toes nice and toasty in the cold weather!

Contact Mel for all your babywearing needs at mel.wrapahug@gmail.com or via text on 07916349685.

www.wrapahug.com

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A Free Guide to Yoga in Pregnancy

“It is not just the child that is born but the mother also. She never existed before”. Osho

Never is there a better time to commit to a yoga practice than during pregnancy. As you step into the unknown it’s so important to carve out some time to prepare physically, mentally and spiritually for the changes that lie ahead.

In our modern age pregnancy is an insanely noisy time as you are bombarded with information and opinion about pregnancy and birthing. With so many experts, blogs, podcasts and advice on demand it’s easy to doubt yourself and your inner knowing.

Your body is perfectly designed to have a baby and there is an innate wisdom that resides within you that will guide you there if you pause to listen.

Regular yoga practice provides a refuge to step back from the busy mind and information overload so that you can drop into a quieter space within. From here you can connect to your baby and access the quieter voice of your body that’s patiently waiting for you to connect and listen.

A prenatal yoga class with Sarah will cover breathing, physical movement and mindfulness meditation. Learning how to breathe deeply and fully is vital during pregnancy at a time of heightened emotions, anxiety and fluctuating energy levels.

Good breathing can play a vital role in managing the massive physical, emotional, mental and spiritual changes going on in your life as well as optimising energy levels, boosting immunity and helping you to focus.

The physical practice will help build strength and stamina along with embedding awareness of the pelvic floor by introducing exercises to build elasticity.

Classes are sequenced so that all of the postures are in some way a preparation for birth whether it be to ease the sensations of contractions or poses to engage your baby's head. As your practice becomes more familiar you can explore intuitively how your body likes to move and learn how to use the breath in postures to help you in labour.

Learning mindfulness and meditation techniques will be useful to soothe and prepare you emotionally at a time when sleep is erratic and fatigue takes over some days.

Resources

You can download a FREE shareable PDF of this and many other resources here and enjoy a full pregnancy yoga class with Sarah here.

Daily activities to help you in pregnancy can be found here and some info on mindfulness and birthing here.

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Sarah has been practising yoga for thirty years and teaching full time since 2011. Over this time she has developed a warm and compassionate style of teaching incorporating the therapeutic benefits of asana along with mindfulness practice. Her teachers are many and varied which is evident in her style. Sarah’s true passion in teaching is in the area of pregnancy and beyond as it makes her so happy to witness the powerful transformation of women at this time as they step into their role of motherhood.

Expect to have a lot of fun in her classes and be gently challenged with yogic philosophy and poetry woven throughout. Classes are welcoming for all trimesters.

https://www.sarahrushyoga.com

A Free Guide to Newborn Sleep

Helping your baby become a confident sleeper, is a gift that will last them a lifetime. But, with all the contradictory information out there, it can be difficult to know where to start.

Strong sleep foundations

By simply responding to our babies when they need us, we help them feel safe and secure, the two most important conditions for sleep.

For now, focus on getting to know your baby and enjoy those sweet cuddles!

If you want to help your baby build strong sleep foundations here’s what you can do

• Help your baby sleep before they are overtired. Look out for early sleep cues, such as staring or glazed eyes

• Create a predictable sleep routine that you enjoy

• Encourage regular naps. Day time sleep encourages night time sleep!

• Once a day, pop your baby in the cot and stay next to her, show her you are calm. This will help her build positive associations with the cot

• Help your baby sleep indoors and out

• Become familiar with baby’s sleep needs from evidence-based sources such as Basis

Myth-busting

As if parenting isn’t hard enough and we don’t constantly doubt ourselves, the world is ready with old fashioned, disproven advice. Here are some gems…

• You’re giving your baby bad habits

This is normally dished out to parents who rock, feed, shush their baby to sleep.

Fact:

In the uterus, your baby was constantly being rocked, feeding and hearing whooshing sounds. You are helping your baby have a gradual transition from womb

to world

• You are spoiling your baby

The suggestion here is that your newborn baby knows how to manipulate you to get what he wants. I despair…

Fact:

Babies cannot be spoilt. Their brain is too immature for calculated, spoilt behaviour. Being spoilt would mean your baby understands how their behaviour affects your actions, and pretend cries. Your baby will stop crying when picked up because she has evolved to be close to you where, back in the good old cave

days, she was far more likely to survive. You cannot undo what humans have evolved to do, not matter what Aunty Janet says…

• You must teach your baby to self soothe. Parents are often told that babies learn to sleep by self-soothing. However, this is based on outdated, harsh, sleep training methods.

Fact:

The evidence is clear for babies, the area of the brain responsible for self-soothing is not fully developed.

Therefore, allowing babies to cry unattended, in the hope they self-soothe is pointless.

In fact, it can be damaging as they fall asleep feeling unsafe and unheard, which will increase their cortisol levels.

So, when someone asks how your baby is sleeping, simply smile and say

“She sleeps like a baby”

Self-care

Have you heard friends saying ‘my baby comes first’? I worry when I hear parents, in particular mums, say this. I would suggest ‘My baby and I come first’ as Mum and baby function as one. Always putting your baby first can leave you depleted and anxious. And guess who will still need you when you’re overwhelmed from lack of sleep and putting yourself at the bottom of the list? Yep, your baby.

Your baby will interpret their world through you (no pressure, right?). If you are feeling anxious your baby might become grouchy, which in turn, will make you more anxious. Without realising you might enter a downward spiral. You and your baby have evolved to function as one. Take care of yourself as you do your baby.

If you are feeling low, consider accessing NHS Talking Therapies and please visit the Lullaby Trust for evidence-based information on safe sleep.

You can download a FREE shareable PDF of this and many other resources here and listen to Marta offering her top tips for sleep HERE.

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Marta Gardner is a leading Sleep Consultant and mum of three. For over ten years Marta has relished being able to help hundreds of parents just like you, to support their children to become independent sleepers, without tears. The no tears methods Marta uses are age-appropriate, tailored to your child, evidence-based and compatible with responsive parenting.

With Marta’s support, you will become confident identifying when your baby needs to sleep. This will result in a predictable routine that you are both happy with and your baby will be able to sleep soundly in their cot.

https://www.martagardnersleepconsultant.com

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A Free Guide to Pelvic Floor Health

Many women first become aware and start to think about their pelvic floor muscles when they become pregnant. The pelvic floor muscles are an amazingly supportive muscle sling, that forms the base of your pelvis. They help to support your pelvic organs (bladder, rectum and uterus) and a growing baby whilst pregnant.

Ways to find them- 

1.      Blow. Sit upright and supported. Inhale through your nose and exhale through pursed lips (as if you are blowing through a thin straw. As you exhale, you may feel these pelvic floor foundations switching on.

2.      Feel. You can place a clean finger or 2 inside your vagina. As you exhale, try to tighten around your back passage and the finger. Inhale to relax. Did you feel the muscles tighten around your finger?

3.      See. Place you hand lightly over your perineum (the area between the vagina and your anal opening) or look at this area with a mirror. As you exhale, gather, and lift your back passage and vaginal opening. Does the perineum lift gently from your fingers? 

If you are still struggling to locate/activate them- you can try a Neen Pelvic Floor Educator, available online. This is a cheap and effective visual feedback device.

Ok, you found them, what do you do with them?

Practice gathering them up as you exhale and relaxing them as you inhale (breath down into your pelvic floor). This will help to keep your pelvic floor co-ordinated. You can do some extra reps of this to build up some strength.  

PF relaxation is also essential for normal function and learning how to relax and release your PF muscles can be especially useful prior to vaginal birth. It will also be valuable for postnatal pelvic floor recovery after a vaginal or C section birth. 

My tips on how to relax your pelvic floor :  

●       Deep belly breathing.  

●       Self- perineal massage/stretching.

●       Yoga positions like child pose stretch, a deep relaxed squat, hip stretches, and happy baby are great for this.

Day-to day signs that the pelvic floor isn’t functioning properly are: 

●     Pain in pelvis/perineum 

●     Persistent painful sex 

●     Leaking urine or faeces

●     Not fully voiding bladder 

●     A frequent heavy feeling in your vagina

●     A feeling of a bulge inside the vagina 

After the early postnatal days have passed, you can take an inventory of your vulva and vagina. This can be quite reassuring before trying sex for the first time too.

Wait for about 6-8 weeks after delivery to do the self-check, when the lochia and any swelling has settled. You can lie propped up with some pillows and use a mirror to look at your vulva, perineum and vagina. Touch the labia and perineum and labia, move them gently, do they hurt? do they pull? Try a pelvic floor contraction during your self-check. If this feels weak- then try some pelvic floor strengthening exercises. If it feels painful or tight, then spend some time breathing deeply and relaxing your pelvic floor so you see the perineum drop and let go a little. 

A mummy MOT/postnatal check with a pelvic health physio can be a great way to assess how your pelvic floor is doing after pregnancy, help you with any of the signs mentioned above and get you on the right track for recovery.

You can download a FREE shareable PDF of this and many other resources here and watch Niamh talking about pelvic floor health HERE.

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Niamh is a pelvic health physiotherapist with a special interest in pre and postnatal care.  She is skilled in helping women with conditions such as pelvic girdle pain, pelvic floor dysfunction, abdominal diastasis and urogynaecological issues like painful sex, urinary leaks and pelvic organ prolapse.  She also has a keen interest in guiding women back to exercise or whatever makes them feel good post pregnancy.

Niamh is a member of the Pelvic Obstetric and Gynaecological Physiotherapists, a Mummy MOT practitioner, a recommended practitioner on the pelvic partnership website and Mum to 3 boys.

Niamh works in Crouch End and at Fix London.

There are more pre and postnatal pelvic health articles available on her website “learn” section.

www.maternityphysio.co.uk

www.fixlondon.co.uk

info@maternityphysio.co.uk

5 Things to Always Remember When Travelling and Pregnant

While pregnancy should never stop you from enjoying your holidays, it’s always helpful to stop and think about how best to handle your condition while away from home.

So, what are five things to remember when you’re travelling and pregnant?

1. Be honest about your limits

While travel has never been easier in terms of handling infrastructure, it is always important to remember that it can be gruelling for even the most able-bodied individual. Excessive walking or travel can put a strain on your body and strip some of the shine off even the most well-planned trip. Packing a well-broken in and comfortable pair of walking shoes is a must, as is choosing luggage or travel gear that is ergonomically designed and easy to carry.

If you are suffering as part of your trip, it is important to speak up about it and seek help. Suffering in silence carries its own risk and it’s better to take a rest day or check in with a doctor than risk inflaming joints or causing complications further down the line.

2. Planning gives you freedom

If you are booking in advance, remember that travel during your first and third trimesters can be a lot more challenging than during months four through to six. Taking the time to organise your travel can help you fit more into your holiday and not have to worry about complications around your pregnancy.

This can include making sure local food options are suitable, that insurance covers key trips and activities, and checking that you know where the nearest medical centre is in case of emergency. While this may sound daunting, taking the time to think about how best to schedule your holiday can make a pleasant trip into a memory you’ll treasure for a lifetime before starting the next chapter of your life.

3. Do less, enjoy more

When it comes to managing your travel while pregnant, it is important to remember that the less time you spend physically travelling, the better it can be. City or resort breaks can let you relax and unwind and minimising multiple-stop travel can help reduce the stress and strain on your body when it’s undergoing dramatic periods of change. If you do need to travel, choosing a location with a strong transport infrastructure and taking the time to plan additional time for journeys can take some of the strain out of your holiday.

4. How will it affect you?

No matter which doctor you ask, they will tell you every pregnancy is different. No-one knows your body like you and planning around unique complications can be helpful. This can involve avoiding sea travel if you suffer from heavy nausea, excessive packing or cramped travel for those with back pains, or ensuring that you bring a travel kit with you if you are at risk of blisters, injury or require specific medications.

5. Prevention is better than cure

Travelers always accrue a number of delays, setbacks, and injuries – knowing when to step and seek help from professionals or others is essential. Short term illnesses may be avoided by adhering to food hygiene rules but if illness, vomiting, or diarrhea lasts for more than a couple of days, be sure to contact your local hospital. This also goes for physical injury, or if you are feeling ‘down’ or unwell. Each pregnancy is a novel experience and anything that feels ‘out of the ordinary’ should always be checked out.

What I learned….. I Hate Motherhood

Now what you’re about to read may well trigger some kind of reaction in you. 

You may find yourself judging my words and condemning me, you may find peace in it as an unexpected recognition of your own thoughts that you’d dare not say out loud for fear of judgment, or you may feel angry at what you may be read as my being ungrateful and undeserving, but, I vowed to always be honest with myself (and others) in a bid to honor my reality, knowing that it is as valid as yours. 

We learn through sharing our stories and we grow in strength by owning them. 

I hate motherhood. 

There, I’ve said it, do what you will with my admission. 

For so many, around 20 years as a mother I lived in conflict. 

I carried burden and guilt and I chastised myself for being an utter bastard for even having the thoughts that I was having around motherhood. 

My thoughts were (often) ‘I hate my life so much’, ‘I feel trapped’, ‘I wish I’d never had kids’, I want/need it all to just stop’, pretty intense and damming thoughts for a mother to have.

The conflict was because although I used to mentally plot to fake my own death in a bid to escape (literally telling myself nobody would notice if I just never came back, that they’d soon get over it if they did) and loving these small humans so much I feared my heart would literally burst and I’d die anyway. 

But in the last fear year or so, after all those years of conflict, I realised that the hatred I have for the role ‘mother’ bore no relevance to how I felt about my kids. 

The two were not intertwined. 

One was a 24/7 ‘job’ that has no wage, no sick days, no holidays, not even a lunch hour. A job where we are on a constant state of high alert, a job where we are responsible for live/s (ours and theirs).  

The other is innocent and beautiful humans who were born to create change in the world, who will bring with them their own learnings and perspective, who evoke feelings in us that we didn’t even know existed, who can make us weep though an excess of loving and weep through exhaustion.  Humans who we’ll learn from, grow with, forever connected. 

Two such extremeness, no wonder I struggled with the conflict. 

But, as I’ve learned to disconnect the two, the guilt has all but diminished, I feel lighter, freer. Motherhood has shifted, I feel one step removed from the drudgery. 

And so I give you permission to do the same. 

If you’re hating on the ‘role’ and beating yourself because you should be feeling #blessed, then know that what you feel about motherhood is of no correlation to how you feel about your kids nor is it a reflection of you are as a mother. 

It’s OK to hate the role but love your kids. 

What I’ve learnt... About My Feminine Power

I graduated as a yoga teacher just a few short weeks before I fell pregnant with my son. I was fresh from the ashram in India and full of the teachings of Shakti…the powerful female energy that resides within all of us. The experience had been transformative, a shedding of unwanted negativity and a boost to my vital life-force energy. I was clear-headed, full of direction and ready to take on a new path in London.

Then boom, I was pregnant! Of course I was elated.  If I’m really honest with myself I went to India to shift things that I felt were hindering me in falling pregnant.  I knew I had work to do.

I experienced strange happenings whilst on my training. I had dreams about the word Shakti, I had dreams of dances connected to this word, I had stirrings in a place in my lower abdomen (my fertility chakra). I didn’t understand it, nor did I know what it meant, it felt kind of weird.  But slowly it unfurled for me and its been a journey that’s taught me so much about myself ever since.

I had a really magical pregnancy with Hari, I also had the home birth I had been dreaming of. I used my yogic breath to birth calmly and without pain relief and I felt like a warrior goddess. I met incredible women on my journey and started to build my community. Then, without notice or warning… I was floored.

I was floored by the fourth trimester, we struggled with feeding issues that nearly sent me to a very dark place. I was exhausted but determined to breastfeed, I was not kind to myself at all. My instinct to nurture Hari was fierce and unyielding but the instinct to nurture myself as I had done before totally vanished.

I felt lost. I disconnected from myself and from others and at times I felt very alone. I had worked so hard at childbirth, I was so proud at myself. But I had so naively forgotten the part when the baby arrives, the struggles that can come, the lack of time for yourself.

After a period of drifting through a haze that still makes me feel emotional and a bit sad, I started to reconnect to my yoga. I practiced with my son on my lap and discovered small techniques that I as a Mama could use to enable me to piece myself back together.

I learnt that I had to work with my body and with my emotional state. I had to reconcile that I was working in a new space and time and that was ok. It was tiny steps and those steps still take place today. I had to be really kind to myself.

As I write this I am navigating my way through early pregnancy with my second child. I am feeling all of the feels! It’s a reflective time, a time where I have to almost force myself to pause and use the tools I know so well to find my power and my center. I still forget at times.

Being a warrior goddess is not just about being strong, it’s about being lost and then coming back. Not just once but most probably on many occasions. It’s about realising that self-care is a real thing, essential for survival.

I also now understand the importance of connectedness, of finding your circle and building your community.  When women come together the magic really happens….that’s the biggest learning that I want to take through this new chapter of motherhood.

What I've Learnt

I’ve learnt that the thing I wanted most in the world is also the thing that challenges me the most whilst simultaneously bringing me huge joy.

During my first pregnancy I was so focussed on becoming a mama and it wasn’t coming easy and so I consumed my whole being with the pursuit of the 2 blue lines. From ovulation sticks, homeopathy, basal temperature monitoring, doctors appointments and googling way too much. I spent a lot of time believing it wouldn’t happen and when I allowed myself to believe I was focussing on the baby stage, it was crinkly bundle that I was visualising holding a baby in my arms not a kid with long limbs, opinions and a highly independent streak.

Mothering a 5 year old has been full of surprises at every turn. Maybe more of a surprise because I had spent so much time longing for a baby and I hadn’t dared to allow my mind to wander past this stage.

Here we are 5 years in and we’re clearly out of the true early years and things are really getting interesting. I’ve learnt that mothering a child means that I learn everyday, with you guessed it, her as my teacher.

The way she can tell you about yourself in one look, the way she is always listening, even when she looks like she isn’t and then will recite something back to you weeks later.

The way she copies you, sits in front of the mirror pretending to do her hair or make-up in the way you do and then says ‘for real’ in the response to a story, just like you do.

Or when you kiss her goodnight and she tells YOU that she ‘loves you to the moon and back’ or says ‘I’m glad I chose you to be my mummy’. Yep heart melts.

The way she holds up a mirror to everything you’ve ever thought about yourself in what you want for her and the way you examine and try to positively change the world in which she will grow-up in.

And yes whilst sometimes it can feel like pressure to get it right and being doing enough. I know there is no perfection. And most of all, that perfect is not what she needs from me, she just needs me to be me.

So as I sit here writing this, I have learnt that I’m stronger than I think, that I am infinitely more powerful than I had ever known and that I’m right where I need to be.

I wonder what the rest of mothering will bring from tween to teenager and beyond. And as my tummy expands with this 2nd pregnancy I have already learnt how different a situation can be, when you have the belief, the knowledge and the tools to trust and surrender.

Ultimately I’ve learnt that the learning never stops and that is the magic.