What I've Learnt

I’ve learnt that the thing I wanted most in the world is also the thing that challenges me the most whilst simultaneously bringing me huge joy.

During my first pregnancy I was so focussed on becoming a mama and it wasn’t coming easy and so I consumed my whole being with the pursuit of the 2 blue lines. From ovulation sticks, homeopathy, basal temperature monitoring, doctors appointments and googling way too much. I spent a lot of time believing it wouldn’t happen and when I allowed myself to believe I was focussing on the baby stage, it was crinkly bundle that I was visualising holding a baby in my arms not a kid with long limbs, opinions and a highly independent streak.

Mothering a 5 year old has been full of surprises at every turn. Maybe more of a surprise because I had spent so much time longing for a baby and I hadn’t dared to allow my mind to wander past this stage.

Here we are 5 years in and we’re clearly out of the true early years and things are really getting interesting. I’ve learnt that mothering a child means that I learn everyday, with you guessed it, her as my teacher.

The way she can tell you about yourself in one look, the way she is always listening, even when she looks like she isn’t and then will recite something back to you weeks later.

The way she copies you, sits in front of the mirror pretending to do her hair or make-up in the way you do and then says ‘for real’ in the response to a story, just like you do.

Or when you kiss her goodnight and she tells YOU that she ‘loves you to the moon and back’ or says ‘I’m glad I chose you to be my mummy’. Yep heart melts.

The way she holds up a mirror to everything you’ve ever thought about yourself in what you want for her and the way you examine and try to positively change the world in which she will grow-up in.

And yes whilst sometimes it can feel like pressure to get it right and being doing enough. I know there is no perfection. And most of all, that perfect is not what she needs from me, she just needs me to be me.

So as I sit here writing this, I have learnt that I’m stronger than I think, that I am infinitely more powerful than I had ever known and that I’m right where I need to be.

I wonder what the rest of mothering will bring from tween to teenager and beyond. And as my tummy expands with this 2nd pregnancy I have already learnt how different a situation can be, when you have the belief, the knowledge and the tools to trust and surrender.

Ultimately I’ve learnt that the learning never stops and that is the magic.

What I've Learnt... From Three Weeks of No Social Media

That god damn never-ending scroll.

Instagram, Facebook, occasionally pinterest, NEVER twitter! I can lose minutes, hours or even days with it.

Any free time… a few minutes before school pick up, a train journey, an evening when my boyfriend is out working. Like virtual expanding foam plugging all the gaps in my time and my mind.

I have had countless times where I was in a frenzy of check Instagram – check Facebook - check my emails – then begin again. Around and around and AROUND.

What am I even checking??

I put out about 4-5 posts a week which should take no more than 4 hours per week max, so why am I filling my free time this way?

Because that scroll is massively addictive, that’s why. It’s virtual crack cocaine.

I hadn’t had a holiday from my email in forever! SO this Summer I decided to make a change. I took three weeks of holiday from my business and working as a NHS midwife.

I took my daughter away to stay with friends in Spain, Italy and Portugal, turned off my Facebook, Instagram AND put my ‘out of office’ on. Here’s what happened…

FIRSTLY, THE WORLD DID NOT END.

For the first few days I caught myself going to check my social media accounts multiple times every day.

I noticed that I think in Instagram posts quite often. I mean WTF?! Does anyone else do this??

But after a week I had pretty much stopped thinking about checking social media.

Suddenly I had so much more time.

I started reading my book every day, and then multiple times per day. Reading in the ten minutes I had free before making dinner, reading in the bath, reading, reading, reading. My daughter saw me reading and started reading next to me (she reads like a maniac 2-3 books per week but normally does it alone).

My brain felt like it sighed and expanded.

I began to be able to just be. To sit and enjoy an icy tonic water without the need to be ‘doing’ all the time.

I started listening to guided meditations for relaxation.

I finally felt I had time and capacity to start an almost daily yoga self-practice with free videos on Youtube. (I lack discipline and it’s taken me fifteen years to manage this!!! )

My brain felt like it had been washed clean.

Being focused on just being in my body in the present moment was completely brilliant.

I felt more relaxed than I had for years.

When we came back from our holidays I didn’t want to check Instagram or my emails. I left it two days before I reluctantly checked back in.

Bookings for my business slowed down significantly while I was away, but it was worth it to have that break.

For the last few months I have been strict with myself and only check social media and emails Monday to Friday from 9am-6pm. I am still tempted to look in the evenings and weekends, but I want good mental health more, so I mostly don’t do it.

I now leave my phone at home when I walk my dog and as much as possible. I put it in a drawer whenever I’m not doing real work.

If I have a few minutes or a half hour free I still find myself reaching for the endless scroll… but I stop myself.

I’ve realised that making time to relax every day keeps me well and this is just as important or maybe more important than all the things on my ‘to do’ list and the lure of the endless scroll.

Have you thought about taking a social media holiday??

It’s been a game changer for me.

Umming and Ahhing About Booking Hypnobirthing Classes?

Here’s why you should jump in with both feet first!

I have many women who get in contact with me around 36 weeks of pregnancy, when they have finally finished work. I live in London and my ladies are mostly very busy and tired. They haven’t made the mental space and actual time to engage fully with their pregnancy and birth preparation.

When they get in touch I tell them, “it’s never too late to benefit from learning the practical hypnobirthing tools”. And I truly believe that. But there is only so much you can do with two weeks, or two days of practice!

What I don’t say is, that they deserve to put their baby, their new family and themselves FIRST. They deserve to take time out, to take time off. They deserve MORE.

Making time to prepare for your birth says I AM IMPORTANT.

Making time to prepare for your birth says MY BABY IS IMPORTANT.

Making time to prepare for your birth says MY FAMILY IS IMPORTANT.

And having a baby changes EVERYTHING. To keep your family unit together, strong, healthy and happy YOU have to change. You have to start putting yourself first.

If you start putting yourself first during pregnancy, you are forming the habits which will serve your family for life. Take time for a daily stroll. Go to yoga. Read a book, yes a real book! Pay to see an osteopath. Have a pregnancy massage. Slow down.

If you are thinking about hypnobirthing classes, stop thinking and invest in yourself. You and your baby deserve the best start you can get. So don't hesitate and book early!

The Power of the Mind

This week I woke up with eczema on my hands.

The funny thing is I have never in my life had eczema before.

Never.

I wasn’t sure what it was at first. Scabies? An infection? Warts? Surely one of my lovely ladies hadn’t given me something nasty when I palpated her tummy, and told her which way her baby was lying.

No.

Bad midwife.

It was definitely eczema.

The last eight weeks have been pretty mega for me. I have started three projects which are life changing. I have been putting my all into them. My time. My energy. My passion. MY EVERYTHING.

And that’s the thing. As a midwife and hypnobirthing teacher I understand the profound mind and body connection.

I understand that your thoughts and feelings affect your body completely.

I teach women and their birth partners this every week! I support families to connect their mind and body so they can enjoy calm and positive births.

So why didn’t I see this coming?

Sometimes you just need a little help. Someone who can hold YOU for a little while, so you can take the weight off. Mamas and healthcare workers are notoriously bad at asking for support.

So today, after writing this I plan to

1. Book a good long deep massage

2. Book an appointment with an osteopath

3. Turn off my phone

Then take some time for myself to

1. Do some relaxing drawing for a couple of hours

2. Go and potter in our little garden because it feels like summer has arrived!

What are you going to do to take care of yourself today? I’d love to hear in your comment below.