Let's Stop Writing Birth Plans

Last night I tuned into the #positivebirthhour on twitter, a fabulous forum for birth inspiration and the topic was ‘birth plans’. I got stuck in (in between mouthfuls of noodle soup) with full gusto and found myself debating in the esteemed company of Sheena Byrom (@SagefemmeSB), Milli Hill (@millihill), Tracey Cooper (@drtraceyc) and Shawn Walker (@SisterShawnRM). These are all heroes of mine, and for those of you who aren’t familiar with these women… they are positive birth power houses. Go check them out!

The debate was so engaging for me, that I woke up at 4am this morning, with a blog bubbling around my brain.

So here it is…

As a hypnobirthing teacher and midwife I encourage my clients to be deeply informed, and confidently know their options as they approach their births.

However I don’t encourage ‘birth plans’. And this is why….

The word ‘plan’ has powerful semantic connotations. Once you have a plan, the general intonation is that you should stick with it but what if you don’t? I have walked into many homes, meeting a postnatal mother for the first time, and had her break down in my arms. Why? Because her plan ‘went wrong’, and she felt like a failure. Like her body let her down and she wasn’t good enough.

So I incorporate this experience when I teach my hypnobirthing families.

Now let me be clear. I teach complete positivity, complete faith in the birth process and complete trust in your body. I spend hours releasing reservoirs of deep fear and building immense confidence.

But I am medically trained, scientifically minded and honest with my clients.

I teach what you can control, which is perhaps 75% of you birth or more. There is so very much that you can do, to take control of your birth and ensure that it is empowering and positive. I planned and enjoyed a homebirth with my first daughter, with no hospital bag packed ‘just in case’.

I teach what you can influence by making informed choices about the options available. I teach you to think outside the box and question the options that are presented by your care providers. Yes you CAN decline vaginal examinations, yes you CAN decline inductions of labour, yes you CAN birth out of the guidelines.

I also teach what you can’t control. And give you the confidence to acknowledge and let this go. I go through birth scenarios, so that if a highly unlikely but possible emergency occurs, you are prepared, calm and confident in the face of the storm. And I must be honest, I have had a hypnobirthing client who had a crash emergency section (one which must be performed immediately to save baby’s life). And this is what she said about it

'My mum (ex-midwife, pre-hypnobirthing era) was with Paul and I throughout and she couldn't believe how calm I was during the entire labour...even at the hospital when it became an emergency. I'm so glad I experienced contractions and some of 'labour' - it was the most exciting/spaced-out couple of days ever and I don't recall any pain. Pressure/energy, yes, but it really wasn't pain like I'd expected. Everything you taught was exactly how we experienced it and I couldn't have got through it without your knowledge and techniques. So thank you. Beatrice is a chilled-out easy-going little chick and smiles all day long.'

It’s a fine balance between empowering women and not acknowledging that birth is at times unpredictable.

So let’s stop writing birth plans and start writing fully informed birth preferences. Or plan A and plan B.

Umming and Ahhing About Booking Hypnobirthing Classes?

Here’s why you should jump in with both feet first!

I have many women who get in contact with me around 36 weeks of pregnancy, when they have finally finished work. I live in London and my ladies are mostly very busy and tired. They haven’t made the mental space and actual time to engage fully with their pregnancy and birth preparation.

When they get in touch I tell them, “it’s never too late to benefit from learning the practical hypnobirthing tools”. And I truly believe that. But there is only so much you can do with two weeks, or two days of practice!

What I don’t say is, that they deserve to put their baby, their new family and themselves FIRST. They deserve to take time out, to take time off. They deserve MORE.

Making time to prepare for your birth says I AM IMPORTANT.

Making time to prepare for your birth says MY BABY IS IMPORTANT.

Making time to prepare for your birth says MY FAMILY IS IMPORTANT.

And having a baby changes EVERYTHING. To keep your family unit together, strong, healthy and happy YOU have to change. You have to start putting yourself first.

If you start putting yourself first during pregnancy, you are forming the habits which will serve your family for life. Take time for a daily stroll. Go to yoga. Read a book, yes a real book! Pay to see an osteopath. Have a pregnancy massage. Slow down.

If you are thinking about hypnobirthing classes, stop thinking and invest in yourself. You and your baby deserve the best start you can get. So don't hesitate and book early!

My Top 4 Tips for Choosing the Best Hypnobirthing Teacher

For those of you out there thinking about hypnobirthing your babies, it can be confusing knowing which teacher to choose. If you live in a city it may seem like there is one on every corner. If you live in the sticks you might not have a teacher for a hundred miles or more.

A good hypnobirth teacher will explain birth well and teach you how to relax

A great hypnobirth teacher will leave you feeling prepared and excited for the big day

A sensational hypnobirth teacher will empower you to have a positive life changing birth experience… no matter what happens on the day

So here are my top 4 tips to choose the best teacher for you:

1. How do you learn best?

Do you enjoy the dynamics of a group, like to shout out the answers and remember it all better that way?

Or do you like to learn in the comfort and privacy of your own home, on a day and time that suits you? If you have any big fears to release before your birth, would you feel comfortable exploring and sharing them in a group? Perhaps not.

There are definitely advantages to learning hypnobirthing in both ways so choose the right one for you.

2. I recently did a rebozo workshop with Nicola Nelson another hypnobirthing practitioner who teaches in London and Bristol. We’d not met before and I instantly warmed to her easy, down to earth ways. She made me feel calm and relaxed.

And that’s the thing. You want to be taught by someone who you have an instant connection and rapport with. So how do you figure that out? A website will tell you a little about someone but a chat will tell you so much more, just five minutes will do! In five minutes you can work out if you click.

And in five minutes, you can work out if this is the right person to support you through one of the most important journeys of your life!

3. Many hypnobirthing teachers have a pretty impressive skillset. You’ll find ones who are doulas, midwives and doctors. Some that are massage therapists, psychotherapists and aromatherapists. Others that are lactation consultants, yoga teachers, rebozo practitioners and rock stars (just kidding). The list goes on.

So…

If you love science, and really want to get down and dirty with the hormones and physiology of birth, choose a teacher who is medically trained.

If you want to focus on getting baby into the best position for an easy birth choose a teacher who includes rebozo.

If you are thinking to add some bundles to the course like a lovely doula or professional aromatherapy massage, choose a practitioner who can do that for you too.

Think about what you really need and choose the teacher that fits.

4. All hypnobirthing teachers have trained in a different way, be it the original Mongan Method, Wise Hippo or Association of Hypnobirthing Midwives (AHBM). But after a year or two every teacher will really start to bring themselves to the party! We can’t help but incorporate everything we have learnt along the way. Like anything the more you do it, the better you get!! So choose a teacher with lots of experience.

Know someone who should be thinking about hypnobirthing? Please share x

5 Tips for Positive Birth

Being a dreamy 25 year old student I went for the stereotypical hippy option, a pain-relief free homebirth on the living room floor. Using hypnobirthing breathing techniques and plenty of youthful naivety I had an incredibly powerful and positive birth experience. It put me on the road to where I am now, somewhat older, slightly wiser and considerably more grounded. What I learned from giving birth is that women are shape-shifting superheroes and are much tougher than we seem! Our bodies completely transform in birth and open up like blooming technicolour flowers.

These days I am a midwife working in a busy South London birth centre and a hypnobirthing teacher. I love my work passionately and feel lucky to have found what feels like a calling, something I never imagined I would find. A large part of my job is preparing parents and especially first time mums for their births. Now if you have had a baby or been with a birthing woman you will have your own take on what birth is, how it feels and what advice you will give to your friends when it’s their turn. From what I’ve seen every woman will have a strikingly individual experience and what would be a heavenly natural homebirth for one can be painful and traumatic for another.

Here are my TOP FIVE TIPS to have a positive birth experience, no matter which way you decide to birth your baby:

1. I’ve noticed that the women who stay active in their pregnancies tend to have easier births and quicker recoveries. This seems pretty obvious - of course if you are fit and healthy your body will work more efficiently. But this isn’t so easy when you are nine weeks pregnant with raging morning sickness that lasts all day and all you want to do is lie on the sofa with your duvet eating malted milk biscuits! When you get to your second trimester and have a little more energy get active again. Walking, swimming, pregnancy yoga and pilates are all fantastic.

2. Stay relaxed. Easier said than done when you have a two year old causing all kinds of crazy in the kitchen cupboards! Especially now that she has just figured out how to climb up and open the ones you didn’t think you would need to child proof. If you already have little people who need your constant attention, relaxation may mean you take ten minutes out at the end of the day to lie down quietly and do some breathing. Or find an obliging chap to give you a good long foot rub. Make time for yourself you deserve it!

3. Many of the women I see are very anxious and fearful about birth and pain. They are often very well informed and have definitely watched plenty of ‘One Born Every Minute’. To a certain extent you can choose what you fill your life up with so immerse yourselves with healthy, happy birth. Watch some beautiful water births on YouTube, talk to your friends who have had good experiences and read anything by Sheila Kitzinger, Ina-May Gaskin or Michel Odent.

4. These days most women will make a birth plan, a long wish list cherry picking all the best bits. I think it’s great to be well informed and know what you want! I have also noticed that from time to time babies don’t read the plan and have ideas of their own. How dare they! I recommend that you also write a ‘birth tweet’ (not that this should be published of course). A tweet has space for only 140 characters which is about two sentences. This enables you to condense down the essence of what is really important to you. This would be mine ‘We want our baby to be born in a calm, peaceful and loving environment’. Give it a go!

5. Can you guess my last top tip? Of course it’s hypnobirth. Having supported hundreds of birthing women and used hypnobirthing myself I know how well it works. Hypnobirthing provides the knowledge and understanding of normal birth, combined with relaxation techniques to keep you calm and in control no matter what happens. I have supported a couple who used hypnobirthing during an elective caesarian, the calmest I have ever attended!

Once you have had a baby you may suddenly realise how epic every woman who has ever gone before you really is. Something that your children may also realise about you when they finally grow up and stop climbing up the kitchen cupboards!